May 31, 2000

Katuwaan (jokes)

Follow Directions!

A man travelling by plane and in urgent need to use the men's room is nervously
tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the men's'
room door, it was "OCCUPIED".

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the
Ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The
Buttons were marked "WW, WA, PP, and ATR".

Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what
a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try
the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and
immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW,
the women really have it made!" Still curious he pressed the button marked "WA"
and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought
that was out of this world! The Button marked "PP" yielded a large powder puff
which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn't
resist the last button marked "ATR".

When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she
appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I
was in the ladies room on a business trip!"

The nurse replied, "Yes you were having a great time until you pressed
the "ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under
your pillow!"

Two new additions to the periodic table of elements:

Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts when treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and
precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

She was only a...

PLUMBER'S daughter but she sure gave my heart a wrench.

STABLEMAN'S daughter but she handled all the horse manure.

HACKER'S daughter but all her bits were in their proper arrays.

BUTCHER'S daughter but she could REALLY pack Salami!

GYNECOLOGIST'S daughter but she could sure play her vulva!

STOCKBROKER'S daughter but she could really ride the BULLS!

TAXI DRIVER'S daughter but she knew how to keep your meter running

ACCOUNTANT'S daughter but she sure knew how to keep her BOTTOM line profitable.

FARMER'S daughter but she knew her carrots from her carats!

FURRIER'S daughter but she knew how to produce minks!

PROGRAMMER'S daughter but she sure knew her 1's from her 0's!

SHEEP FARMER'S daughter but she sure knew how to fleece her flock!

PREACHER'S daughter but she sure knew how to fleece her flock!

FISHMONGER'S daughter she had crabs on her place, poor soul.

ELECTRICIAN'S daughter but she had all the right connections.

COAL MINER'S daughter but she had a mine of her own.

MARINE COLONEL'S daughter but she was rotten to the corps.

ARTIST'S daughter but she knew where to draw the line.

BUS DRIVER'S daughter but she knew where to get off.

ARCHITECT'S daughter but she knew all the angles.

FISHERMAN'S daughter but when she saw my rod she reeled.

MINISTER'S daughter but I wouldn't put anything pastor.